I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
