he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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