You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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