Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We left the knife in your bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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