you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
