no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ladies don't puke and tell
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
