About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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