Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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