I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i came on her dog
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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