i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
