I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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