Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize