There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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