The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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