My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Me. At least after what I've been through.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
