i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
