We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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