Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
