I got chris browned last night
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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