your parents love me but you hate me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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