Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
