I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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