please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
