I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
