I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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