I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
