Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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