Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
