so explain again why im purple
no
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
