she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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