My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize