i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
