Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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