Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My liver just had a heart attack.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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