"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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