It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
