She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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