you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sobbing to NWA
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
