I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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