just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
