Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize