I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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