pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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