we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
