Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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