Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
