I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
