And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
