I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it because I queefed?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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