My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
A bitchslap is in order.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
