If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
