Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
