We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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