There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
