went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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