my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
50% drunk capacity currently
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
