i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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