I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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