she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
