Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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