When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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