Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize