He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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