I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I smell like Dick and happiness
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
