what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
