Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
